by Sally Johnson

Way back, many years ago, when I was a preteen, I became interested in reading advice columns. It all started when I would spend a week or so with my grandparents in the summers. My granddaddy had subscribed to THE FARM JOURNAL magazine for many years and there was a huge stack of them on his sun porch.  I loved to thumb through them and read the advice column “Up in Polly’s Room” written for teens. I learned a lot that probably shaped my years as a teenager like: At what age should you start dating? Should you kiss on a first date? Is it okay to call a boy? What is the right time for a curfew? etc. These were topics of interest to me as I prepared to launch into my teens!

Then, of course, as I grew older, I moved on to reading Dear Abby and Ann Landers in the local newspapers… often turning to those columns before reading anything else. The now defunct LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL also had a long-running column that interested me in my early marriage years called “Can This Marriage Be Saved?”, which featured real-life couples having marital problems. The column was split into three parts: a wife’s perspective, her husband’s take and then, a final judgment by a counselor.

After reading these advice columns, I often wondered if the advice given was actually taken and if it made a difference in the lives of those needing help.

Where do you go for advice? Would you write to an advice “expert” to help you solve  your problems? Probably not! We know that we can find the answer to all of life’s problems in God’s Word. In major contrast to all of the “worldly” advice columns I read in the past, the Bible is filled with sound advice. For example, the book of Proverbs, written mostly by Solomon, is filled with wisdom. Even though it was written thousands of years ago, its principles certainly apply to us today.

Many of you have probably heard me share about reading Proverbs 5 and 7 to our boys while traveling many hours in the car to Steve’s folks in west Texas. These chapters, and many others, were directed to young men, and I read from a version of the Bible that was popular in the early 70’s called GOOD NEWS FOR MODERN MAN. It was written in paragraph and narrative form and the message was powerful! My captive audience’s  response was, “Oh, Mom! The Bible doesn’t say that!” Well, yes! Yes it does!

We can also obtain Godly advice from our Christian friends and relatives. It is a good way to benefit from their wisdom that comes from life experiences and their relationship with God. This week’s study of Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, is a very good example of giving and heeding advice. Jethro saw a problem that Moses was having and offered sound advice in solving it, thus making Moses’ life so much easier.

Giving advice to others is a huge responsibility. It can’t be a casual thing since we’re dealing with the lives of others. We should take great care, because one small mistake could have dangerous consequences. Jesus gives us a warning in Mark 9:42 when He says: “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.” That is a pretty strong warning to all of us who give advice to others.

When people come to us for counsel or advice, they are actually trying to find the best way to deal with a particular matter. We need to give Godly counsel, the kind that would lead them closer to God while helping them handle their problem.

I recall a time when I had been hearing and observing the brokenness of a marriage for years. In a moment of weakness, I threw up my hands and said, “It’s done! Just end it!”  (Not one of my better moments!) A much wiser person than me responded with, “That’s like saying that God’s not big enough to handle it!” This made me go to my knees, praying more fervently for this couple! Yes, our God is big enough to change things! And He did, and I give Him all the glory!

What should we do before we give advice? We’ve talked about these many times before, but here they are again.

• • Pray – God already knows the person and the situation, and we need to ask Him to guide our words. In Daniel 2, the king had sought advice from his “wise men” , but they couldn’t help him, so he called in Daniel. Before seeing the king, Daniel asked his three friends to pray to God for answers. God provided Daniel with the answer to the king’s concerns.
  • Listen – James 1:19 tells us to be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath”. Resist the urge to speak before you hear and understand the whole story. And always be mindful that there are always two sides to every story. Proverbs 18:17 says, “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.” Be certain that you have all the facts before you give any advice.

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• Search the Scriptures – Let the Bible be your only source for advice. God’s Word is our book for life and has instructions for every single problem we may have. It is the mouth and heart of God, the One who loves us and knows us and wants what is best for us. Read the Word of God daily so you can arm yourself with His knowledge. Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

If I were to give you additional advice on giving advice, I would also suggest things that you shouldn’t do.

• Don’t be judgmental or show a condemning spirit.
• Don’t talk too much but listen intently.
• Don’t take it personally if your Godly advice is not taken.
• Don’t ever share personal information with others.

Needless to say, my days of reading advice columns ended many years ago. As I matured in my Christian walk, I came to realize that worldly advice was all around me. Some of it might have been helpful, but it is incomplete and not nearly as helpful as the Truth revealed in God’s Word, the Holy Bible. God revealed to me that all advice should be given to draw others to a closer relationship with Him.  None of the advice columns that I had faithfully followed did that! Good advice must be based on Scripture.

Where do you go for advice? Just remember that not all advice is good advice. Good advice will stand on Scripture, and not apart from it!

(On a side note: Steve and I had only been married for one year when he took me to West Virginia to meet all of his relatives. While in the home of his Aunt Polly, I saw a plaque hanging on her wall. Imagine my surprise when I learned that she was the original author of the column in THE FARM JOURNAL’S “Up in Polly’s Room”!)

Curious?

• Read Deut. 1: 1- 1-18 (specifically focusing from verse 9 on)
  •  How do these verse compare to Exodus 18: 17-27?
• Do a word study on convert:
  • Hebrew – shub
  • Greek – epistrepho
    • Find verses where these words are used in scripture.
• In your own words, what is a conversion?
• Read Luke 19: 1 – 10.
  • Are there similarities between this story and Exodus 18?  If so, what? Do these both fit with what you’ve learned about conversion?

Really Curious???

• Read Psalm 78: 1 – 8
  • List out each pronoun and its antecedent.
  • What is said about each of these you have listed?
  • What directions are given to us in these verses?
  • Who benefits from our obedience in these verses?
  • Note:  Listen in verse one is NOT shema.