I’m curious.  Have you ever experienced conflict with another person?  Perhaps a spouse, child, co-worker, family member, friend, random stranger on the street…  A conflict that leads to hurtful words, out of control emotions, indignation and at times, periods of silence? Please assure me I’m not the only one!

I’ve been struggling with conflict recently – an internal conflict.  A war within myself.  Battling thoughts ping-ponging in my brain – struggling in self-control to ensure that thoughts do not become actions.

When we’ve witnessed nastiness rewarded and hissy fits that produce positive results, it is increasingly challenging to bridle our tongue and restrain negative behavior. Rationalizing reasons to spew my two cents over my situation continue to play over and over in my mind.  Every emotion begs for release.

At one time, I would not have entertained this ping-pong ball battle.  I would have slammed that little white ball off the table the moment it was in sight, with nothing held back.

But what did this behavior accomplish?  I may have felt better for a moment – until the regret moved in and got comfy. Or I replayed the scene relentlessly in my head analyzing how I should have said something differently or with more OOMPH!

Honestly  though – I just looked foolish. I’m sure most of the time people walked away shaking their head questioning my sanity.  “What is wrong with her?” must have been thrown around a time or two.

And it was the perfect question.  Because there was definitely something wrong with me.  James 4:1 says, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” Notice this does not say – Did someone offend you?  Did someone hurt your feelings?

When facing conflict, instead of throwing a temper tantrum and allowing all the nastiness to seep out, what if we took the time to analyze what is going on inside of us?  What worldly desires are behind your thoughts?

Better yet, what if we went to God in prayer and submitted our emotions to Him?  What if we ask Him to remove selfish desires and worldly wisdom and replace it with His desires for us and His wisdom?

He is a big God.  He can handle our emotions and disappointments.

And maybe we would experience fewer conflicts.

 

Consider

 

• Describe in your own words the difference in judging between Matthew 7: 15-20 and Matthew 7: 1-5. What about James 4: 11-12?
• Read Luke 18: 1-8
  • What does this parable teach you about persistence?
  • What area(s) of your life need persistence?

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• Write our Hebrew 10: 22-25 from The Message. What comparisons do you see with James 4:8?

 

Feeling ambitious?

• Read Psalm 32 and Psalm 51.
  • Create 3 lists:
    • David’s actions
    • God’s actions
    • David’s advice
  • What, from these lists, speaks to your heart?
• Read Numbers 12
  • How do Miriam’s words and judgements impact her and those around her?
  • Do you recall a time in your life when your words and/or judgments made an impact?

Authority.

What thoughts and feelings surface when you encounter this word?

Anxiety

Relief

Anger

Pride

Authority often brings strong emotions and actions.  We either accept and submit to authority, or we dig our heels in and rebel against it.

Unfortunately, my track record is filled with heel marks.

I was a fairly good kid – minding my parents and following the rules.  It was pretty easy to do when daddy threatened boarding school for rebelliousness.

Yet, somewhere along the way, I realized I knew better than those in authority.  My way worked best.  My way produced optimal results.  My way made sense (to me).

Clearly I was a model employee.

It is embarrassing to count the number of situations where I flat out told my boss – you know, the one in authority – “no” to an assigned task or way of implementing procedures.

Here’s a reminder on authority:

Authority is the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience. (Merriam-Webster)

And another interesting tidbit on authority…

“Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” Romans 13:1

Every time I refuse to submit to a person placed in authority over me, I am actually refusing to submit to God. 1 Peter 2:13 tells us, “Be willing to serve the people who have authority in this world. Do this for the Lord.” ERV

Such a hard lesson to learn – at least it has been for me. Which is probably why the Lord has consistently provided opportunities for me to choose to grow in this area.

One such opportunity appeared this week. A simple request was asked of me by a person in authority and required a response on my part. Feelings and emotions immediately came into action, because it involved an area I’m invested in and passionate about and would be a different path than I would have suggested.

I didn’t say yes and I didn’t say no. Yay me, right? What I did say was, “I’ll pray about it.”

Because I am slowly and agonizingly learning my way is often not God’s way. And I desperately must seek His way when making choices.

But honestly, I did not have a choice to make. That deserves repeating. I DID NOT have a choice to make.

Someone in authority asked something of me. What they asked was not against God’s Word, would not cause me to sin, and was needed for the better of the whole. No choice necessary. The answer is simply yes. Yes, because God has placed this person in authority, and I trust God.

So maybe, just maybe, I’m learning. It’s a process (a slow process), but one worth the effort.

 

Consider

Read the following verses and list everything revealed to you about wisdom.

• 1 Corinthians 1: 20-21
• 1 Corinthians 2:14
• Romans 1: 18-25

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What are some areas that hinder our acquisition of wisdom from above (God’s wisdom)? Use the following verses to help you.

• 1 John 2: 15-17
• 1 John 3: 7-10
• 1 Corinthians 2: 6-16

Feeling ambitious?

Choose one of the following passages to study. What do you learn about wisdom from this passage? Do you have any characteristics similar to the person(s) in the passage?

• Numbers 12 (Miriam and Aaron)
• Numbers 16 (Korah)
• 1 Samuel 18 (Saul/David)
• 1 Samuel 25 (Nabal)
• 2 Samuel 15 (Absalom)
• 1 Kings 12 (Rehoboam)

 

 

There is an old Jewish tale of a rabbi telling his student how to make amends for harsh words spoken to others.  The rabbi meets the student in the middle of their windy town with a feather pillow.  Ripping the pillow apart, the feathers scatter in every direction blowing further and further away.  The rabbi tells the student to retrieve every feather to make amends for the words.  The student declares this is impossible, and the rabbi agrees.  It is the same with trying to fix the harm inflicted by hurtful words.

With approximately 175,000 words in the English language, is it any wonder our mouths get us into so much trouble?  Words are powerful – inciting a myriad of reactions from those around us.

What we say matters.

Sometimes this is really obvious. Like the time I was pacing frantically back and forth in the hospital, desperately crying out to God for a miracle, when a single word uttered had a life changing impact. The doctor had informed us there was nothing more they could do – they had tried everything . Then he asked, “Do you want us to keep trying?”

There are only two ways to answer this question – Yes or No.

With a yes there is still possibility and hope for a miracle.  Death is not yet a reality.

But with a no, you feel you are giving up – losing faith – creating the ending.

Although this is an extreme example, so many of our words have a similar effect in the lives of others.

We can rip an idea to shreds or help build the foundation of a dream.

We can help pave a straight path, send off on a detour or cause a landslide.

We can provide hope or despair and incite anger or relief.

God’s Word has a lot to say about our words.  The following verses offer two extremes:

Proverbs 16:24 tells us, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste^[a] and health to the body.”

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Words can be health and life or death.  Luke 6:45 reminds us that our mouths speak from the overflow of our heart.

I don’t know about you, but I could definitely use a heart check – daily!

Let’s commit to monitor our words and their effect on others.

What we say matters.

 

Consider

• Read the following verses making notes of everything said about words.
  • Matthew 12: 33-37
  • Mark 13:11
  • Luke 6: 43-45
  • 1 Cor. 12:3
  • Proverbs 14:23
  • Proverbs 29:19

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How do these scriptures apply to your life right now?

• Spend some time reflecting on when you speak harsh, angry words. What motivates you to this reaction? Is there a consistent trigger?
  • If so, find verses to pray over this particular motivation. For example – anger, impatience, control…

 

Feeling ambitious?

• Read Genesis 24: 45 -52
  • List what is said and the action(s) produced.
  • What does this reveal to you about the connection between words and actions?
  • Commit to observing what actions your words create this week.

When my daddy unexpectedly passed away, the most common phrase I heard was, “I’m praying for you.”

Frankly – I didn’t care.  These words were hollow and meaningless to me in those weeks of initial grief. I reached a point where I refused to open cards or take phone calls, because I just couldn’t hear “those” words again.  Don’t get me wrong – I desperately longed for prayer; I just wasn’t receiving it personally.

Because honestly, how many of us have uttered the prayer thing to someone and walked away never giving it a second thought?   Please assure me I’m not the only one.  We have sincere intentions to pray for others, yet life gets busy and complicated directing our prayer focus elsewhere.

Why do we tell someone we will pray for them instead of just praying right then and there with them? You know, put actions with our words.

In the book of James, we are reminded our faith should result in works – works flowing out from us because we are changing from within to become more like Jesus. (James 2:14-26)

Are the excuses starting in your mind?

I’m not good praying out loud.

I’m too embarrassed.

I don’t know what to say.

I might stutter or say something wrong.

Let me assure you – the person you are praying with – the one clinging to you for hope and comfort and urgency – they are not going to remember if you dangled a participle, split an infinitive, stuttered or went silent for a minute.  They probably won’t remember much of the prayers content at all.

What will be remembered is you loved them – you loved them so much you made yourself vulnerable enough to pray with them.

 Consider:

• Read the following verses:
  • Luke 3:8
  • Romans 3:7
  • Romans 9:19
  • Romans 11:19
  • 1 Cor. 15:35

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• How do the previous verses fit with James 2: 14-26?
• Read Joshua 2: 1-24
  • Make a list of Rahab’s actions.
  • Write out the reason(s) for her actions.
  • Where in your life is this kind of action needed?

 

Feeling ambitious?

• Trace Abraham’s life from Genesis 15 – 22.
  • List major events, travels, encounters.
  • Where is he obedient in these chapters?
  • Do you observe a progression of maturity in his life?
  • What characteristics in Abraham’s life do you want exhibited in your own life?

Recently I experienced the privilege of celebrating with a precious friend over an answered prayer.  Together we prayed scripture for months over a situation, and as usual, God was faithful to answer.  Rejoicing together and praising Him for His goodness is nothing short of exhilarating.

There was a time in my life – not that long ago – when an experience like this was not even in the vicinity of possible for me.  God took me through a long season of friendlessness.  Removing every important relationship from my life (outside of family) occurred quickly.  Twenty year friendships dissolved as quickly as pressing send on your phone.

This was a lonely, hard season full of tears, anger and hurt.  While wandering in this desolate wilderness of solitude, I began learning to rely solely on Him for companionship and advice.  But I was also building a protective wall to protect myself from ever experiencing the pain of lost friendship again.

Then, in typical God-fashion, Bible verses and themes appeared repeatedly in my quiet times – everything I read, every sermon I heard, and everyone I listened to had the same message:

  Proverbs 18:24

            One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 27:5-6

            Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiples kisses.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

  Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

 

So I started earnestly praying for this kind of friendship.  I desired the friend that would stick closer than a brother.  The friend that would wound me with the Truth.  The friend that would pick me up.

Do you have a friend like this?

Now most of us have an assortment of people in our lives that serve different purposes.

There’s our shopping friend – the one who snatches the atrocious item out of our hands while chiding us for picking it up in the first place.

Or our playdate friend – the one who gives us those brief moments of sanity while our children are occupied playing with theirs.

Maybe you have an exercise friend, mealtime friend, or a hobby friend.

Some of us are blessed to have all of these friends.

But do you have the friend that immediately looks at you and knows you’re not okay? The friend that will get on their knees beside you and lift your burdens to the throne? The friend that cries with you? Laughs with you? Does a happy dance around the living room to celebrate with you?

In my season of loneliness, God revealed how I had become transparent with the wrong people.  People who would never pray with me or for me.  People who would never open up God’s Word and cover my hurts and fears with Truth.

And He didn’t stop there.  God also showed me how I had intentionally avoided developing friendships where I would have this kind of person in my life, because I didn’t want Truth.  I had no desire to know what He said about my behaviors, thoughts and actions.

Can you relate?  Are there times in your life when you avoid the people in your life that will give you Truth?  And then we find ourselves wondering why life seems so out of control.

Sweet person reading these words – my heartfelt prayer for you is a friendship from God that far exceeds anything you thought possible.  And you find yourself rejoicing together over the answered prayers you have pray together.

He is faithful.

Consider

• Read the following verses. What do they teach about favoritism?
  • Genesis 25: 27-34
  • Genesis 37: 3-4
  • 1 Samuel 1: 5-6
  • Deut. 21: 15-16
  • Job 13:10
  • Acts 6:1
  • Romans 10: 12-13

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• James tells us that mercy triumphs over judgment in 2:13.
  • Has anyone ever extended mercy to you?
    • Describe how receiving mercy made you feel.
    • Is there anyone that you need to extend mercy? If yes, take action toward obedience.

Feeling ambitious?

Read the book of Jonah.

Write out every time mercy is shown in these 4 chapters.

Note the who, what, where, when and why.

What is revealed to you through these chapters about obedience and mercy?

 

 

 

 

But if you look for truthfulness

You Might as well be blind

It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

 

Words recorded by Billy Joel in 1978 –yet even more applicable today.  Beginning with the premise that truth is harder to find than love, Joel penned these words expressing that having love does not necessarily mean you have truth.  Originally titled, ‘Home Again,’ he felt the title didn’t fit the message and retitled ‘Honesty’ instead.

Though the haunting melody and catchy lyrics entertain, I find a deeper message here.  (Not that Billy Joel had this message in mind.)

Our world today is in desperate need of truth, but few of us are willing to honestly share the truth we know.

But first, we must understand there is a very big difference between honesty and truth.

According to a prominent attorney in a Forbes magazine article, “…being honest means not telling lies.  Being truthful means actively making known all the full truth of a matter. Lawyers must be honest, but they do not have to truthful.”  (March 6, 2016)

Sadly, it seems many Christians feel this way in the world today.  We pat ourselves for not telling lies- yet fail miserably at actively making known the full TRUTH.

If we have accepted Jesus Christ, we have the only Truth.

Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.  John 14:6

So what is the truth?

Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth. John 17:17

Everything from Genesis 1:1 to Revelation 22:21 is truth.

Period.

The truth does not change, it does not adapt to the culture, nor bend for the approval of the masses, it does not change with passing trends, and it will not be watered down to excuse our constant abuse of it.

Now we certainly don’t mind being honest.  And we might even share a little truth if we are asked. But we genuinely struggle to actively make it known, like we are called to do.

Our blind world longs for truth but they are receiving something that only sounds good.

 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. 2 Tim. 4:3  

And there are so many willing to tell them exactly what they want to hear and okay their lifestyles and habitual sins.

And those of us that know the Truth stand by on the sidelines watching the game too afraid to go in and get tackled.

Because if we are on the field, we will get tackled.

It’s inevitable.

But we are needed in the game.

The world needs those of us who love Jesus and who know truth to actively tell them those things.

We possess the playbook.

Our playbook has the winning play.

It’s game time.

Consider

• Read Ephesians 4: 17-31.
  • There are 7 commonalities between this passage and James 1: 19 – 21. What are they?

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• The word religion is used 5 times in the New Testament. Read the following verses:
  • James 1: 26-27
  • Acts 26:5
  • Col. 2:18 (translated worshipping)
    • How are you specifically practicing God’s Word and sharing it with others? Specifically consider your speech, service, and separation from the world.

 

Feeling ambitious?

• Read Matthew 13: 1-9 and 18-23
  • What are the four kinds of hearts?
    • Describe each one in your own words.
  • Which of these best describes your heart right now? Why?
    • Search for scriptures to pray about the condition of your heart.

 

 

 

I’m done.

Life changing words when uttered within a marriage.

It seems everywhere I turn marriages are falling apart – destroying families and leaving piles of rubble to be sifted through and sorted.

Mine.

Yours.

No one is immune.  No one is exempt.

From the head of prominent Christian ministries to the stranger on the street, the foundation of marriage is under attack.

I recently read an article by a sweet husband vowing numerous actions he was implementing to protect his marriage.  Beautiful vows.  Worthwhile vows.

But I’m pretty sure most of us, if married, made some pretty significant vows on our wedding day.  Probably something along the lines of:

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”

These vows seem pretty all inclusive don’t they?

Yet do we ever truly take these words to heart and ponder their application to our lives and marriages?  Especially that God’s holy ordinance part.

I often joke with my husband we should renew our vows.  Celebrating our 25^th anniversary brought the topic up again.  He responded the way he always responds – “I meant them the first time.”

Has he kept them perfectly?  Absolutely not.

Nor have I.

As a matter of fact, we have caused one another long seasons of pain and grief – heartache and turmoil.

Isn’t that the way with two imperfect humans attempting to live together?

Two minds.

Two personalities.

Two sets of desires.

 

And the desires (not just of a sexual nature) are where we get ourselves into a lot of trouble within our marriages.  James 1: 14-15 explains the danger of desires and their consequences:

“But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desires. ¹⁵ Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death.”

How many of us are willing to completely make ourselves transparent to our spouses and confess our secret desires to them? The desires that we fear will cause them to love us less. Or the ones that cause us embarrassment and shame.

Yet, this transparency opens the door to freedom – because the desires shackling you in bondage are broken when you take the power away.

God gave us a companion to do life with – to be our helpmate.  We have to allow them to help us in all areas of our life.

So quit making new vows to be a better spouse.  Work on keeping the ones you already made.

And the best way to work on those vows starts on our knees – covering our spouses, ourselves and our marriages in prayer.

 

 

Consider

 

• In James 1: 12, the crown of life is mentioned. There are five crowns referenced in the New Testament. Look up the following verses and describe each crown and how it is received:
  • 1 Co. 9: 24-25
  • 2 Timothy 4:8
  • 1 Thess. 2:19
  • 1 Peter 5:4
  • Rev. 2:10

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• Read Deut. 6: 10-15
  • What is the command Moses gives the people?
  • Why is this command necessary?
  • What good gifts has God given you?
    • Have any of these gifts harmed your relationship with God?
      • If so, how?
      • If not, how do you protect yourself from it?

 

Feeling ambitious?

 

• Read Joshua 7
  • Describe in your own words the process Achlan goes through.
    • Do you relate to this process in your own life? Explain.
  • List the consequences for the rest of the community because of one person’s actions.
  • Spend some time in prayer asking God to reveal how your actions affect those around you.

It struck me the other day how trusting children are.  I was taking my daughters to the dentist, and we were running extremely early.  When I passed a new store that recently opened in the area, I decided to surprise them with a quick trip for art supplies.  I exited the freeway and u-turned, retracing the path back to the store.

Not once did my children ask where we were going.

Not once did they take a breath from their conversation either.

They blindly trusted that wherever I was taking them was okay.

Oh how I wish we possessed this kind of trust with God.

When our decisions and choices lead us off the straight path, He lovingly u-turns us back in the right direction –  most of the time kicking and screaming.

But if we would just trust His guidance – knowing He already went before us on the road – we could sit back and enjoy the ride.

 

In depth

• Read Luke 1: 46-53; 6: 20-26; and 12: 13-21
  • List everything scriptures says about rich/poor
    • How can you apply this list to the wealth in your life?
      • (Remember wealth is not necessarily money/possessions.)

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• Read 2 Corinthians 12: 1-10
  • To whom is Paul writing and why?
  • Who is the man in Christ?
    • See Acts 14: 19-20
  • Explain the vision in your own words.

 

Feeling ambitious?

Read the following scriptures making note of what is said concerning giving.

• Ex. 23:11
• Deut. 14: 28-29
• Lev. 25:1 -7
• Amos4: 1-3
• Amos 5: 11-12
• Amos 8: 4-6
• Hab. 2: 9-13

Spend time asking God where He wants you to give out of the wealth He has provided.

(Note: wealth can be time, talent, wisdom/knowledge, money, possessions, skill, physical strength, etc.)