“SHUT-UP!!” These were the exact first words that flew from my mouth when our doctor delivered the news that “there were three in there.” This wasn’t a literal stop talking kind of shut-up but more of a “no-way, you-can’t-be-serious, hold-the-phone, this-can’t-be-real” sort of shut-up. My next words were “THREE WHAT??” “Three babies”, the doctor said. This was definitely a defining moment in my life but our story doesn’t start there.

Brian and I had been married for about three years when we decided we were ready to have a family. We had it all planned out. Being an elementary teacher at the time we had even worked out the timing of our pregnancy so that the delivery date would land perfectly at the end of the school year, allowing me to avoid any maternity leave. Well, our plan worked perfectly and we immediately got pregnant with a due date sometime in late May. As with all first time expectant parents, we were busy thinking of names, planning a nursery theme and simply dreaming of our new little one. However, our planning and dreaming came to a halt when after a few days of abnormalities in the pregnancy led us to an unplanned doctor’s visit which confirmed that we had lost the baby. We were only about 8 weeks in but you can’t convince me that the hurt would have been greater had it been 8 months. We were devastated. I mourned deeply for several days. Like curled up in a ball in the bed mourning, alternating between quit tears, outright sobs and all the while asking God “why”. I knew I wasn’t the first one to experience a miscarriage and in fact I was strengthened when many other ladies in my life later shared their same stories of loss and hope. But I couldn’t understand why God wasn’t on board with our seemingly perfect plan.

So on to plan B. We’ll try again and I’m sure it’ll happen for us just as quickly this time. Nope, it didn’t…because God needed to teach me a few things. He needed to break me. He needed me to stop planning and start relying. He needed me to have no control so that He could take control. Each month I would say “okay Lord, you know my heart. I give you control. I trust your timing and your will.” Then I would find out we weren’t pregnant again and I would find myself back at the throne of God asking, “but why God, why aren’t You listening? Why isn’t this happening? I prayed all the right things and told You I trusted You.” This prayer cycle went on for many months. We were discouraged and felt hopeless.

Throughout the process our doctor encouraged several hormone treatments and testing which proved unsuccessful. The next step was a low dose fertility drug. I was a little unsure about this because I told the doctor I didn’t want a whole litter of kids. He assured me the odds of that were very slim. I even went home and did my own research on this particular drug. The statistics showed there was less than a 1% chance of conceiving more than twins. Well, I should’ve bought a lottery ticket while I was at it because we beat the odds. TRIPLETS!!!!!

Our journey from here was fast and furious and might I add terrifying. We didn’t even know what to do with one baby, let alone three. Talk about learning a lesson in giving God control. At 27 weeks I went on hospital bed rest meaning I wouldn’t leave until I delivered. There was a concern that Baby C wasn’t getting the same nutrients as the other two. I would be closely monitored every day and could be asked to deliver at any time if her status didn’t change. I was given a series of steroid shots to help the babies’ lungs grow but we knew they would be pre-mature and most likely require breathing machines at first. Finally, at 31 weeks we gave birth to three very tiny babies weighing in at 3.10 lbs, 3.8 lbs, and 3.4 lbs. They did require oxygen for a few days but grew stronger and eventually began breathing totally on their own.

I remember the first time I saw them. The amount of wires and tubes attached to their little bodies was enough to bring me to tears. How were they ever going to survive in this great big world? But God had bigger plans for them and for us as their parents. After spending about a month in the NICU we brought them home and began a wild journey of figuring out our new life with three newborns. Those tiny little babies are 12 years old now and I couldn’t be happier that God took us through that valley of uncertainty to teach me how to let go and let God. I admit I’m still a student of this concept at times but I will always look back on this and remember how God’s plans are greater than my plans (Isaiah 55:8-9). May I trust God more fully because of the journey and may my faith be strengthened in knowing HE IS IN CONTROL!

Curious?

• Read the following verses and describe how each relates to the sword and how the verse applies to you:
  • Psalm 7:12
  • Psalm 64:3
  • Rev. 1:16
  • Rev. 2:12
  • Rev. 2:16
  • Rev. 6:8
  • Rev. 13:10 (Compare to Matthew 26:52)
  • Rev. 19:15
  • Rev. 19:21

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• Read Zechariah 13 focusing on verse 7.
  • What does this passage tell us about the sword?
  • How does this compare to Matthew 26:31?
  • In your own words, how do these verses affect your life?

More Curious?

• Christophony = an appearance or non-physical manifestation of Christ.
  • Read/study the following scriptures:
    • Genesis 16: 7-14
    • Genesis 22: 11-18
    • Exodus 13: 21 (Compare 1 Co. 10:14)
    • Numbers 22: 31-35
    • Judges 5:23
    • 2 Kings 19:35
  • If we read these scriptures as an encounter with Christ in the Old Testament, do you have a new perspective or insight? Why or why not?