My family has always chuckled that my name means brave. It in no way was chosen by my parents because of that specific definition, but has definitely provided comic relief throughout my life.

If you know me, truly through and through- you know that my innate character is not brave. I am prone to wander (or most often… wonder) and Lord I feel it. We’re talking worse case scenario, life is over, I’ll be hiding under the covers for the rest of forever if anyone needs me again.

So obviously, when I slammed my finger in a car door and then managed to get a full scream out before unlatching the door to retrieve my finger the first thing out of my mouth was “I feel brave”. That’s a lie. It was “I’M SCARED”.

Then when my sister walked me to the kitchen sink and told me to run it under cold water while she got Ada out of her buckled car seat and brought her inside I was again basking in bravery, obviously proven by my knees buckling, giving out and being awoken in a pool of blood, unable to hear out of one ear, unable to close my mouth and convinced that I was crunching on at least six broken teeth. The first thing I said to my sister was “Look at me, the epitome of bravery.” (Again, it was “I’M SCARED” – my vast variety of vocabulary is prolific).

I’m not sure how many times I continued to say those two words for the rest of the day. Driving to the ER, waiting to see the doctor, having my ear cleaned out while the doctor was saying “Well, we can’t really figure out WHY your ear seems to be bleeding”, during the X-rays, the CT scan, the fixing of my chin, the news that I had a broken jaw, the referral to an oral surgeon, the X-rays in the surgeons office where I had to place my all too tender chin into the chin strap of the giant machine, hearing that my injury would require medical intervention instead of the hopeful “give it time to heal on its own” resolution that I was so prayerful for. Every chance I got to insert those pesky words, I did. Classic me behavior.

Two days later while waiting to go in for the procedure to wire arch bars to the top and bottom of my teeth which would be secured shut by elastics and then wires to ensure my mouth is in one stationary position, I was pretty terrified of all to come and all the modifications I would be submitting to for an unknown period of time, especially to this scared little girl (I’m still a little girl) who thrives on a constant active schedule to keep her brain from having TOO much time to grasp onto fear.

People have seen me since the procedure, and told me “you’re so brave”.

Um really I wasn’t. I was a fretting fool with no real other options except to listen to the medical professionals and wade into the unknown. And now, I am quiet.

Maybe you’ve gone through a period of time that you’ve been silent too. Maybe you lost your voice for a few days, maybe you experienced a grieving loss that left you searching for your voice for a while, maybe you even had a corrective surgery or breathing tube or any other type of procedure that physically left you unable to communicate through your voice. It’s not totally uncommon to experience something like this in the average persons life. If so, you know where I’m coming from. Suddenly you’re a listener. You can communicate through other methods, but they are either time consuming or painful or just not worth it. I’ve begun to wonder, what is worth it? How often has God called me to be a content listener but I’ve been blabbing too much to even hear Him?

Because I’ve got 29 years of circumstantial evidence that God does indeed have a sense of humor- my quiet times, verse of the day, and passages I’ve read throughout my bible have all circled around silence, quieting, or even tongues. Maybe He’s trying to tell me something, right? Each one has served as a small reminder that this accident did not come as any surprise to the God of the universe. Each one has pointed my trust to my creator instead of myself- and slowly, bravery creeps in. That’s what faith does, right? Equips us to make our way through this weary world, with purpose and hope for a future.

So even though my human nature is so flawed and so fearful-  I know that when I made the decision to accept Christ He changed my name, to Kelly who belongs to Me. And that makes me brave.

Curious?

• Read the following verses:
  • Luke 7:39
  • Luke 15:2
  • Matt. 9:11
  • Matt. 16:1
  • Matt. 16:11
  • Matt. 22:23
  • Acts 23:6
  • Matt. 5:20
  • Matt. 12:38
  • Matt. 15:1
  • Mark 2:16
  • Luke 5:21
    • Write out everything you learn about the Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes.
    • Are there any of these thoughts/traits you see in your own life?  If so, what?  What does Jesus say about this specific thought/trait?

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• Is the forerunner in Malachi 3:1 the same as the forerunner in Malachi 4:5?  Research and support your answer with scriptures.

More Curious?

• Read Daniel 11.
  • What prophesies do see fulfilled during the 400 years of silence?